Quest For Balance
I found this article online that I wrote. In 2005!!! It was for the Florida Bicycle Association.
https://www.floridabicycle.org/fbalibrary/archive/05winter.html
Reading it was like going back in time!!
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Quest for balance
by Zahid A. Buttar
I remember when Kim first told me she was pregnant with our daughter, Aliya. It was August 2002, and I woke up to her hopping around with a pregnancy tester, laughing and saying, "We're pregnant! We're pregnant!" Although ecstatic about the prospect of a child, I knew the end of my athletic career had just begun. Now, two years and four months later with the December 13 birth of my second child, Asad, I have realized that, indeed, my athletic career is in what those in the equity options business call a downtrend, a series of lower highs and lower lows. It is a strange experience to be in a simultaneous uptrend with life and a downtrend with something that is extremely important to me: physical well-being and the mental well-being that comes with it.
For the last 20 years or so, I have been at the elite level of some sport (first running, then swimming, then cycling, then triathlon and then cycling again). I've lost more fitness in the last two years than most people will gain during a lifetime. And—unless you're part of a handful of social misfits that consider “together time” riding a bicycle 70 miles on a Saturday morning averaging 30 mph and then riding 120 miles on a Sunday morning averaging 28 mph—you could never tell.
But I can. And THAT really wears me out mentally. I'm out of balance. For the first time in my life, I consistently don't have my balance.
My focus is no longer me or fitness but rather a business, a family and a 20-month-old kid who is becoming more and more fun by the hour. For the first time in my life, I'd rather be lying on the stretching mat talking gibberish with my little girl than suffering like a dog at 99.9% of my physical limitations. I'm coming to think that the game of life is centered around achieving and staying in balance, regardless of the circumstances, a lot like chess, where, regardless of the circumstances, you always have a choice. There's 100% accountability for your outcome because nobody but you makes the moves. And the best part about chess is that, although you can take your time, a move HAS to be made for the game to progress.
Just like life.
Make a move and you'll progress. Don't make a move and you'll rot. If you don't make a move, there is no game—in chess or life. The outcome of this game probably won't be known until I die. By then I'll either have won the quest for balance based on my actions and reactions or I'll have lost based on my actions and reactions. I do have some objective measures that will indicate to me that I'm on the right track? One I have in mind is to take Aliya, Asad and Kim on a month-long camping trip to Montana in April 2008—the month Aliya turns 5.
Of course there are intermediate goals and ways to track them, and, with 2005 beginning, it's time to focus on the game for the next 12 months. Exactly how do I plan on balancing my professional self (event promoter & nutritional advisor) with my athletic self and my dad self? I'm not 100% sure but the plan looks something like this:
1. Arrive alive. There is no room for error in riding now. In August 2001 I got hit by a car so hard that it ruptured my left quad, dislocated both shoulders and messed me up mentally so much so that I couldn't keep a straight line when a car drove up on my left. And I was lucky. As I've learned, the number of driver/cyclist fatalities is increasing. There are things I can do to minimize the odds. Some I've learned through years of riding but I learned A LOT more recently through the Florida Bicycle Association and League of American Bicyclists course called Road 1, which is both challenging and informative. The most interesting thing I learned was the lack of connection between the people who build our roads and the voices of all those who use those roads—especially cyclists. I also discovered a very different side to a good friend, Rafael Clemente, a big voice in cycling advocacy. His presence as a racer in advocacy circles demonstrates that cycling advocacy issues are the responsibilities of ALL riders—not just commuter and group riders. Supporting safety at this point in my life gives me balance.
2. Focus on the things that I can do. There are many things that I can't do but one thing that I can do is to help a cause that transcends modality. Our event business promotes running, triathlon, duathlon, cycling and inline skating events. What do those have in common? All of these participants can benefit from cycling advocacy. Even if you only run, chances are you have friends that either ride or do triathlons or you know someone who has kids who ride bikes. Last time I checked there were no qualifications to getting hit by a car. It's equal rights for cyclists, triathletes and kids (and even runners). Participants at our events can expect to see an advocacy presence there—especially our events that have free seminars and expos associated with them. Giving back to the community in this manner gives me balance.
3. Adjust my definition of being athletic. I have already done this! I discovered that riding my Trek 5900 with a trailer up and down the Cady Way trail with my daughter in the trailer is as much fun as anything else I've done. It's just not as hard. I've changed my definition of me as an athlete from being a competitor to being a participant and empowering those who compete. It feels truly okay to go at “recovery pace” for the majority of things I do now (riding, swimming, running and rowing). When I do feel the need for speed occasionally I get that fulfilled at a group ride. Redefining myself for this chapter is necessary for my balance-and I'm cool with it. Will these three seemingly simple things aid my quest for balance? I'm really not sure, but that's the good thing about chess—you can change on a dime, take a break, reformulate your thinking and then try again.
I do know this though: my kids will get to see me race a bike someday—that will give me balance.
#zsthoughts
